Funny!
- Thread starter docw1
- Start date
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docw1
Bill Rankin
Sven and Ole go to the beach. After a couple of hours, Sven says, “This ain’t no fun. How come the girls ain’t payin’ any attention to me?”
Ole says, “I’m not sure Sven, but maybe if you put a potato in your swim trunks next time I bet they’ll pay attention to you.”
So Sven does that the next day and goes back to the beach. But late in the day he goes back to Ole and says, “Ole, I did what you told me with da potato, but it didn’t help.”
Ole looks Sven over and says, “No Sven! You were supposed to put da potato in da front!!”
Ole says, “I’m not sure Sven, but maybe if you put a potato in your swim trunks next time I bet they’ll pay attention to you.”
So Sven does that the next day and goes back to the beach. But late in the day he goes back to Ole and says, “Ole, I did what you told me with da potato, but it didn’t help.”
Ole looks Sven over and says, “No Sven! You were supposed to put da potato in da front!!”
ST1100Y
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scootac
Will Ride for Food
Not if you're smart enough to know how to use it!
Got 2 or 3 in the drawer, use them regularly without a problem.
ST1100Y
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Ditto... last use: Asparagus...
I was plenty smart enough to use it but when I was young I didn't have the grip strength to hold a potato still while I was peeling it and I shaved off some skin from time to time.
Superdirk
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It's regular name in dutch is a "thin pealer".. At my sister's, however, it is called a "Dirk pealer" As I used it once and it took 30min to stop the bleeding
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docw1
Bill Rankin
A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender, who knew him, says, “Are you OK?”
The pirate says, “Yes, I feel fine. Why?”
The bartender says, “Well, last time you were here you had two legs. What about that wooden leg?”
The pirate replies, “Well, we got into a battle and got my leg blown off. But really, I’m OK.”
The bartender then says, “What about that hook? Last time you were here you had two hands and now one of them is a hook.”
To which the pirate replies, “Well, I got into a sword fight and got my hand cut off. But really, I’m OK.”
The bartender then says, “What about that patch over your eye? Last time you were here you had two eyes.”
The pirate says, “Well, we were out at sea, and a flock of seagulls flew overhead. I looked up, and one pooped in my eye.”
The bartender replies, “You lost your eye because a seagull pooped in your eye?”
The pirate says, “Oh no, it was the first day with the hook!”
The pirate says, “Yes, I feel fine. Why?”
The bartender says, “Well, last time you were here you had two legs. What about that wooden leg?”
The pirate replies, “Well, we got into a battle and got my leg blown off. But really, I’m OK.”
The bartender then says, “What about that hook? Last time you were here you had two hands and now one of them is a hook.”
To which the pirate replies, “Well, I got into a sword fight and got my hand cut off. But really, I’m OK.”
The bartender then says, “What about that patch over your eye? Last time you were here you had two eyes.”
The pirate says, “Well, we were out at sea, and a flock of seagulls flew overhead. I looked up, and one pooped in my eye.”
The bartender replies, “You lost your eye because a seagull pooped in your eye?”
The pirate says, “Oh no, it was the first day with the hook!”
scootac
Will Ride for Food
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docw1
Bill Rankin
An Englishman staggers, ashen-faced, into a roadside bar, demanding a large brandy. The barman is concerned.
“Well,” says the man, “I was just driving along and my BMW suddenly gave up the ghost! So I cruised into the layby just along the road here and opened the bonnet. But I have no idea how these modern cars work! I was about to call the Automobile Association when I saw two horses come up to the fence and peer at the engine. And one of them actually spoke! Clear as day! Couldn’t believe my ears!”
“Oh, yes – what did it say?”
“Well, this is the extraordinary thing – it told me to press down on some bit of plastic until I heard a click. So I did that – and then this horse told me to try the engine – and it started immediately!”
“Ah,” said the barman. “And tell me, what color was this horse?”
“Color? Color? Whatever do you mean? The damn thing spoke to me, clear as day! In fact, it was a brown horse!”
“Thought so,” says the barman, polishing the next batch of glasses.
“Thought so? Didn’t you hear what I was saying? This horse dam’ well spoke to me!”
“Well”, says the barman, “I thought it would be her. The white one knows nothing about BMW ignition systems!”
“Well,” says the man, “I was just driving along and my BMW suddenly gave up the ghost! So I cruised into the layby just along the road here and opened the bonnet. But I have no idea how these modern cars work! I was about to call the Automobile Association when I saw two horses come up to the fence and peer at the engine. And one of them actually spoke! Clear as day! Couldn’t believe my ears!”
“Oh, yes – what did it say?”
“Well, this is the extraordinary thing – it told me to press down on some bit of plastic until I heard a click. So I did that – and then this horse told me to try the engine – and it started immediately!”
“Ah,” said the barman. “And tell me, what color was this horse?”
“Color? Color? Whatever do you mean? The damn thing spoke to me, clear as day! In fact, it was a brown horse!”
“Thought so,” says the barman, polishing the next batch of glasses.
“Thought so? Didn’t you hear what I was saying? This horse dam’ well spoke to me!”
“Well”, says the barman, “I thought it would be her. The white one knows nothing about BMW ignition systems!”
ST1100Y
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... caption?
scootac
Will Ride for Food
'Now that gazelle is getting away, and the kids are hungry!'... caption?
Turn signal lack of usage is the assumption that everyone else on the road is smart enough to know what they are going to do when they are to stupid to know how to use the vehicle equipment
