OP
OP
Funny!
- Thread starter docw1
- Start date
• So now cocaine is legal in Oregon, but straws aren’t. That must be frustrating.
• Still trying to get my head around the fact that ‘Take Out’ can mean food, dating, or murder.
• Threw out my back sleeping, and tweaked my neck sneezing so I’m probably just one strong fart away from complete paralysis.
•Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers. If you do find one, what’s your plan?
•The older I get, the more I understand why roosters just scream to start their day.
•When I lost the fingers on my right hand in a freak accident, I asked the doctor if I would still be able to write with it. He said, “Probably, but I wouldn’t count on it.
•Anyone who says their wedding was the best day of their life has clearly never had two candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine.
•We live in a time where intelligent people are silenced so that stupid people won’t be offended.
•The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have begun asking humans to prove they aren’t a robot.
•When a kid says “Daddy, I want mommy” that’s the kid version of “I’d like to speak to your supervisor”.
•Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say CLOSE ENOUGH!
• The pessimist complains about the wind. The optimist expects it to change. The realist adjusts his sails.
•There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of people will find this funny.
•I have many hidden talents. I just wish I could remember where I hid them.
•My idea of a Super Bowl is a toilet that cleans itself.
•Apparently exercise helps you with decision-making. It’s true. I went for a run this morning and decided I’m never going again.
• Still trying to get my head around the fact that ‘Take Out’ can mean food, dating, or murder.
• Threw out my back sleeping, and tweaked my neck sneezing so I’m probably just one strong fart away from complete paralysis.
•Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers. If you do find one, what’s your plan?
•The older I get, the more I understand why roosters just scream to start their day.
•When I lost the fingers on my right hand in a freak accident, I asked the doctor if I would still be able to write with it. He said, “Probably, but I wouldn’t count on it.
•Anyone who says their wedding was the best day of their life has clearly never had two candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine.
•We live in a time where intelligent people are silenced so that stupid people won’t be offended.
•The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have begun asking humans to prove they aren’t a robot.
•When a kid says “Daddy, I want mommy” that’s the kid version of “I’d like to speak to your supervisor”.
•Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say CLOSE ENOUGH!
• The pessimist complains about the wind. The optimist expects it to change. The realist adjusts his sails.
•There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of people will find this funny.
•I have many hidden talents. I just wish I could remember where I hid them.
•My idea of a Super Bowl is a toilet that cleans itself.
•Apparently exercise helps you with decision-making. It’s true. I went for a run this morning and decided I’m never going again.
OP
OP
docw1
Bill Rankin
Bmacleod
Site Supporter
And now you know...
OP
OP
docw1
Bill Rankin
Bubba dies in a fire and his body is pretty badly burned.
The morgue sends for his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer, to identify the body.
Daryl arrives first, and when the mortician pulls back the sheet, Daryl says, "Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad.
You better roll him over."
The mortician rolls him over, and Daryl says, "Nope, ain't Bubba."
The mortician thinks this is strange.
Then he brings Gomer in to identify the body.
Gomer takes a look at the face and says, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over."
The mortician rolls him over and Gomer says, "No, it ain't Bubba."
The mortician asks, "How can you tell?"
Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two a**holes."
"What? He had two assholes?!" exclaims the mortician.
"Yup, every time we went to town, folks would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"
The morgue sends for his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer, to identify the body.
Daryl arrives first, and when the mortician pulls back the sheet, Daryl says, "Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad.
You better roll him over."
The mortician rolls him over, and Daryl says, "Nope, ain't Bubba."
The mortician thinks this is strange.
Then he brings Gomer in to identify the body.
Gomer takes a look at the face and says, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over."
The mortician rolls him over and Gomer says, "No, it ain't Bubba."
The mortician asks, "How can you tell?"
Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two a**holes."
"What? He had two assholes?!" exclaims the mortician.
"Yup, every time we went to town, folks would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"
ST1100Y
Site Supporter
... and there is that...
"you can't touch this!"
"you can't touch this!"
ST1100Y
Site Supporter
Nah! Its Swedish...
Once upon a time not too long ago, we were at a local dealership looking at new cars. Nearby was a man getting the keys to his brand new Mustang. Everyone waved him goodbye and he took off, literally, down the street....red lining it between shifts and chirping the tires.
The salesman had time to comment 'I don't think that's going to work out well'.
As soon as he completed the sentence there was a LOUD bang, complete with hood popping up, lots of smoke and dead silence while the car rolled to a stop.
Effectively dead in under a quarter mile from the lot.
I often wondered if any of the damage was covered under warranty.
I suspect not.
That works for Backgammon, too.
OP
OP
docw1
Bill Rankin
